March 25, 2012

'The Moth Diaries' Trailer: Sexy Horny Vampire Teens (VIDEO | 5 PICS)


The director of American Psycho sucks the life out of a vampire flick. 

First, I bet that title is getting me hella Google traffic. There's a lot of pervs out there you guys.

The only reason why I'm posting this trailer is because it looks pretty. Here's the trailer for The Moth Diaries, directed by Mary Harron, who did American Psycho and I Shot Andy Warhol. While I have mixed emotions about the latter, I think we can agree that there is something interesting about Harron's work and that is evident in this trailer. 

However, you can basically run through a check list of teen thriller clich├ęs: Boarding school, pretty blond girl flanked by brunette, sexy male literary teacher, conversations about cutting, creepy new girl who is potentially evil. Oh and a bathtub scene. Yup, it's all in there.

Can we talk about the sexy male teacher for a second? Why does he always teach lit? I suppose it's because literature is romantic and sentimental and that's how the teacher and the protagonist have sexual attention. She'll be like "I think that [Insert Literary Character] is struggling with loneliness. She's a passionate person yet is stifled by the world around her." Then the sexy teacher nods and goes "That's really good Persephone [or whatever her stupid name is]. 


You know, you're very talented. You remind me of myself/dead wife/girl I had a crush on in high school." And whatever they're reading ALWAYS has something directly to do with what is happening to the girl (it's usually the Scarlet Letter or something). Like if the girl is struggling with the concept of having lesbian encounter with a friend they'd be reading Green Eggs and Ham in the class because a) it's about always trying new things and b) Green Eggs and Ham is a funny way to refer to ones lady bits.

Oh and the teacher NEVER uses his desk. He leans on it or very lightly sits on it. He's the cool teacher, you see, and sitting in chairs is for the oppressive principal. And while he's perching he's probably talking about something that is INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE to his student. "I remember one time when I was in Guatemala with a friend of mine..." I mean, really, this sh*t just writes itself.




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